Come Aside and Rest A While

Summer – 1976 – Midwest USA

I started out the summer working as a Nursing Assistant at Children’s Hospital where I had my clinical site last summer. They assigned me one day to the burn unit, and the nurse asked me to watch her change the burn dressings on a 2 year old so I could change them the next time. As a senior nursing student, they allowed me to do some procedures under close supervision. The little boy stood in his crib as she began to unwind his dressings. As the burned skin was exposed, his blood ran down his legs and arms and he began to scream. I felt myself begin to black out and turned and sank into a nearby chair and put my head on my knees. After the blackness cleared, I stood up and went out into the hallway. The nurse finished the dressings and came out into the hallway to speak with me. I said, “I’m so sorry, but I thought I was going to faint. I have never witnessed anything like that before.” She said she understood and told the supervisor not to assign me to the burn unit again. They sent me back to the orthopedic unit where I was last summer. I guess I deal better with the kids in traction than the burned ones.

After 4 weeks of arising at 5 a.m. in order to catch the 6:30 a.m. bus to work, the dizziness, nausea, and weariness was almost unbearable. I could not smile at anyone and my soul was crying in agony to God. I felt like Elijah under the juniper tree crying out to God to take him home. (I Kings 19:4-7) My Pastor was very concerned about me and asked me to take a walk with him before church Sunday night. “Pam, I think you are so rigid right now and have planned everything so much that God can’t work. Let go, and let God do whatever He wants! For one week, don’t plan anything. Take every day as it comes and do everything the opposite you usually do. Go out to a restaurant and eat a meal, listen to the birds, take long walks in the woods. Don’t study your Bible for one week except to read a few verses in the morning.  It will make you a better Bible student in the long run.”

His words were quite a shock to me, but I was willing to try anything since I had lost all joy in the Lord. The next weekend, I drove up to see Jane for one night and we went hiking at the state park. I had to stop every 30 feet to rest a little. When I awoke on Monday, I was still so dizzy and exhausted that I called in sick. After praying about it the rest of the day, I decided I needed to resign and return to my parents’ home to rest the remainder of the summer. I called the head nurse and told her the situation, and she said she understood. After 7 quarters straight of school, with the last one in psychiatry and the demanding classes, my body was beyond exhausted.

My parents were very concerned about me also and were extremely kind to me. After two weeks of total rest, I began to feel like myself again and could smile and laugh! I just finished reading a little book by M. R. DeHaan MD called Broken Things. He said, “The Lord only breaks those whom He is going to make.” “Sunshine all the time makes a desert.” I understand better now that I don’t need to strive and push doors open, but just relax and let the Lord open or close the doors. His tenderness in giving me two months just to meditate and enjoy Him brings tears to my eyes.

My Dad kindly drove our travel trailer to the state park a couple hours away and set it up so my Mom and I could stay for the week while he returned to work. God has given my Mom and me very precious times together. I so enjoy walking through the woods, listening to the rustling leaves, and watching the butterflies and dragonflies fly from flower to flower. At night, the chirping crickets lull me to sleep, and the singing birds awaken me every morning. How I thank God for these precious blessings and restoring my health!

Camping at the State Park was so relaxing!

Camping at the State Park was so relaxing!

Reflection

Since 1976, I have had several other times in my life of total exhaustion when I have simply burned the candle at both ends and pushed my body too far.  As I read the passage in I Kings again about Elijah, he had just run for his life 93 miles to flee wicked Queen Jezebel who was trying to kill him! No wonder he was exhausted. After he said to God, “It is enough! Now, O Lord, take away my life; for I am not better than my fathers.” And as he lay and slept under a juniper tree, behold, an angel touched him and said unto him, Arise and eat. And he ate and then slept some more and ate some more. He was able to go 40 days and nights after that. Now I realize I am certainly not Elijah, but the cure was the same for me. Sleep and eat, sleep and eat.

The disciples were deeply grieving after burying their beloved friend, John the Baptist, who was beheaded by wicked King Herod. I love the passage in Mark 6:30-31 which says And the apostles gathered themselves together unto Jesus, and told Him all things, both what they had done, and what they had taught. And He said unto them, Come aside into a desert place, and rest a while; for there were many coming and going, and they had no leisure so much as to eat.” It’s so wonderful that our dear Savior sees when we need to rest and provides it for us!

trillium

Three petaled trillium wild flower reminds me of the Trinity!

If you would like to comment, have a question for me, or a prayer request, please feel free to contact me at pamela.aprn@gmail.com  Have a blessed week of looking unto Jesus!

A restful walk in the woods.

A restful walk in the woods.

Behind Locked Doors

Senior Student Nurse in Psychiatry – June 1976

I drove through heavy iron gates and parked my car at the large state mental hospital campus on the edge of the city. After I studied the campus map my professor had given me, I walked toward the locked mens’ ward where I was assigned for the quarter. As I walked, I silently prayed, “Dear Lord, Please protect me and put your hedge around me. Give me wisdom in every situation, and let your love shine through me to these men.” I looked at the old red brick building apprehensively and pressed the buzzer on the intercom beside the door. “Yes?” answered a woman. “I’m a student nurse reporting for duty from the University.” As the door buzzed, I pushed it open and entered.

My professor told me I would lead therapeutic groups with six men who had been institutionalized here many years. Some had a history of rape and murder. After entering the locked nurse’s station, I began to read each patient’s thick chart and took notes. I observed the long line of somber looking men as they lined up at the nurse’s window to receive their medications with a glass of water. After each man swallowed his pills, he opened his mouth so the nurse could inspect to make sure he had not pocketed any pills to hoard them for an overdose.

After the patients received their medications, I walked into the large dreary day room. The sickly pale green walls, single bare light bulbs hanging from the 12 foot high ceilings, and iron bars over all the windows would make anyone feel depressed. The men wandered aimlessly around the room or sat at the table staring into space dressed in their shabby pants, shirts, and shoes. There was a hot wire running around the perimeter of the room where they lit their cigarettes. Some of them spit on the floor. One man took off his clothes, seemingly unaware that there was anyone else in the room, and wandered around naked. The stench in the smoke filled room was nauseating.

I asked the staff person to point out the six men I would have in my small group.  I approached each of them and pointed to the small room where we would meet. After we all sat in a circle, I introduced myself and asked each of them to tell the group his name. I then asked an assigned question and waited for each of them to answer. I was trying to learn the skill of “therapeutic silence” and wait for the person to answer. I waited and waited and waited, but some of them never answered! The whole group was rather pointless in my opinion.

I dreaded my clinical days and began to lose weight. I saw the depths of the depravity of man as never before and continually thanked God for saving my soul. I concluded that reformation does not work, because it does not deal with a person’s sin nature. The only solution is regeneration, a new birth spiritually, as Christ said, “Marvel not that I said unto thee, Ye must be born again.” John 3:7 I am so thankful for God’s promise to all who receive Him as their personal Savior, “Therefore, if any man be in Christ, he is a new creation; old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.” II Corinthians 5:17  But I am grateful I had this quarter, because it taught me more about the importance of communication, and how to talk with people about sensitive topics.

I also took Personal Finances (3 hours) and Audio-Visual Teaching Techniques (4 hours). I had the joy of attending the graduation ceremony of my roommate and her brother in the University football stadium. I will miss our sweet times of fellowship, but I know God will lead her to the right teaching job.

Reflection

As I reviewed my classes in the college of nursing, psychiatry was definitely the most difficult course for me emotionally and as a believer in Jesus Christ. Amazingly, after I became a Nurse Practitioner, my first job was at a 120 bed psychiatric hospital, age 5 through adult. I was responsible for the admission History and Physical examinations, and diagnosing and treating their medical problems. I also managed the patients who went through alcohol and heroin/opiate detoxification.

The medications that are available today to treat mental illness are much more effective than the few that we had in 1976. I believe some types of mental illness are from chemical imbalances, genetics, poor diet, and side effects of other medications. Other types of mental problems are a direct result of sin that only salvation by Christ Jesus can solve. Still others are from demon possession. As I read about the demon possessed man in Mark 5, it says that no man could bind him with chains, and he lived in the mountains and tombs, crying, and cutting himself with stones. Oh, the agony of that man! But after Jesus cast out the demons, the people came and saw him “sitting, and clothed, and in his right mind.” Mark 5:15 What wonder and joy that each of us can now have the mind of Christ!

“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” II Timothy 1:7

I worked at the psychiatric hospital for 4 years until it closed. I recently stopped by to take a photo of the campus and there were large “NO TRESPASSING!” signs everywhere. The owner approached me angrily and asked why I was taking a photo? I said I used to work there, and it was for my memory book. He asked which doctor I worked with, and after I told him, he grudgingly said, “OK”. So I still don’t have very good memories of psychiatric hospitals…. Here is my one photo he permitted. This is the administration building behind all the trees.

Psychiatric Hospital where I worked as a Nurse Practitioner 1998-2002

Psychiatric Hospital where I worked as a Nurse Practitioner 1998-2002

If you would like to comment, have a question for me, or a prayer request, please feel free to contact me at pamela.aprn@gmail.com  Have a blessed week of looking unto Jesus!

Pediatric Orthopedics

Summer, 1975-Junior in College of Nursing

After much debate with my parents, I decided to go to summer school so I could graduate in March rather than June. The job market is rather tight right now for new graduates, so I’m hoping there will be more openings available if I graduate ahead of my classmates.

I only took 13 hours of classes this summer (two 4 hour nursing courses, and 5 hours of American history), but it was totally exhausting, because I had to study so much for my two nursing classes in orthopedics and pediatrics. When I felt like I was at the breaking point, I met with my Pastor and he wisely counseled me to stop teaching two Bible Clubs so I could concentrate on my studies. He said I would have plenty of time to serve the Lord after I graduated. But if I didn’t graduate, it would be a poor testimony to my parents (who are not yet Christians) and others.

My clinical site was at the Children’s Hospital on the neurology/orthopedic unit which was interesting. Since I’m now in my junior year of nursing, we were assigned more acute patients compared to last year in the nursing home. Half the summer I cared for children with neurological problems such as brain tumors and seizure disorders (epilepsy). It saddened me to care for the children with brain tumors who did not have much longer to live.

Chuck HATED Being in Traction!

Chuck HATED Being in Traction!

Most of the orthopedic patients were 8-12 years old and in traction for the summer. Chuck had a bicycle accident and was totally frustrated about being imprisoned in bed. I brought in his lunch tray and set it up on his over bed table. As I turned to leave the room, he picked up his entire tray and flung it to the floor while he screamed, “I HATE THIS PLACE!!!” He was in a room with three other boys, so the other boys started crying because they were so startled and frightened by his actions. I pressed the call light and said I needed his nurse and my instructor immediately! I definitely felt like I was in over my head and was at a loss of words as to how to calm the boys. The experienced staff members rushed in and took command of the situation. His nurse gave Chuck a sedative and a pain pill while the housekeeper cleaned up the mess on the floor. I exited the room and reviewed what had happened with my instructor in the conference room.

I was so thankful when this difficult summer ended!

Reflection

As I reread my journal which recorded how much I struggled through that summer, I began to learn the important lesson that it is never God’s will for us to be serving Him so much that we don’t have time to sit at His feet in worship first. If there is not first true effectual worship there will be no effectual service. So often I see a need and automatically think it is God’s will for me to fulfill it. But perhaps it is God’s will that it not be done or that someone else does it.

I reread about the two sisters, Martha and Mary, in Luke 10: 38-42. Martha gladly welcomed the Lord Jesus Christ into her home, but was overly occupied and too busy and distracted with much serving. She became upset when her sister Mary sat at Jesus’ feet and listened eagerly to His words. When Martha asked the Lord to rebuke her sister, Mary, He gently rebuked Martha instead.

“Martha, Martha, thou art anxious and troubled about many things. But one thing is needful, and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.”

May the Lord help us all to sit quietly at His feet while we let Him speak to our heart through His precious word and renew and strengthen us for the day that is ahead of us. I will close with the words from the first verse of my favorite hymn. Whenever I sing this prayer to the Lord, it helps me focus my heart on Him once again.

“Jesus, I Am Resting, Resting” by Jean S. Pigott.

Jesus, I am resting, resting in the joy of what Thou art;

I am finding out the greatness of Thy loving heart,

Thou hast bid me gaze upon Thee, And Thy beauty fills my soul;

For, by Thy transforming power, Thou hast made me whole.